


He descended to the dead

by orphan_account



Series: The Credo Collection [5]
Category: Ashes to Ashes, Lewis (TV)
Genre: M/M, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-20
Updated: 2011-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-22 21:15:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	He descended to the dead

The red car was parked by the pavement outside my bed-sit opposite the station when I returned from Mass the next morning. Gene Hunt was leaning on it, smoking a cigarette which he flung on the floor when he saw me turn the corner.

“You!” he bellowed “up to my office, now!”

I shrugged and followed him – I had an idea what this might be about, and why he wanted me in the office on a Sunday lunchtime when there would be no witnesses.

He was in his office, drinking whiskey from the bottle when I arrived and he waved the other black-gloved hand at me.

“Over here, Haggis, I want a word in your shell-like.” I didn’t like the tone of voice – pretend-friendly, a false smile on his chubby face. He came around the desk so he was the same side as me when I entered the office. It was then that he made one fatal mistake. He put his arm around me. Whether he intended to sucker punch me or it was a fake matey-matey thing, I never found out, because that contact took me straight back to the first time my cousin, Big Gus Robertson attacked me during the school holidays when I was 12.

Cousin Gus is two years older than me and was at boarding school. He used to come to us for holidays and it must have been at that school he learned the vile things he made me do. The first time, he came into my bedroom early in the morning telling me to come and look out of the window, there was a brilliant motorbike outside.

When I went to the sill he put his arm around my shoulders and whipped me around so I was facing him. He is taller and stronger than me so when he grabbed my hair and forced me to my knees I couldn’t stop him and before I knew what was happening he’d shoved his fat hard dick right in my mouth. I was gagging and wriggling and trying to get away, but he was a big strong bloke and when he came in my mouth I thought I was going to drown or choke but there was nothing I could do about it but fall on the floor wheezing and spitting, vomiting and crying.

Gus bent over me, panting “You tell anyone, Fatso, and they’ll put you in the home for bad boys. I’ll say you suggested it. You know what the Christian Brothers do with laddies like you – poofter boys? They poke you up the erse every morning for breakfast, every one of ‘em. D’ye want that, Fattie? Eh, d’ye want that? Well keep yer spunky wee gob shut, unnerstood?”

I nodded, miserably, his spunk dribbling out of my lips and my throat sore from retching. All I wanted was him to go away so I could get clean. I felt filthy down to my soul.

Which is probably why, when Gene Hunt put an arm across my shoulders, my Glaswegian childhood came back to me and I grabbed the whiskey bottle, smashing it across the side of his head and following that up with a knee to the crotch, a smack in the guts and a kick in the goolies when he went down. I don’t believe in doing things by halves.

“Oh you are so dead, Haggis” Gene Hunt moaned up at me from the floor.

“Maybe so, Guv; Maybe I already am.” I stalked out of the office and went back to my bed-sit.

Hearing those sanctuary bells in my head again I sat on my bed and rocked. That was where it had all started. It wasn’t my fault – I had been abused. I should have been able to get help. Someone in charge should have noticed and stopped it. Gus should have been punished before he started buggering me on a regular basis, ruining my psyche, risking my life and taking away any self esteem I ever had.

In a flash of realisation I accepted that it had been done TO me. It was not my fault and that the only way I could have stopped it was if I had been able to fight Gus the way I fought Gene Hunt which I wasn’t capable of back then.

Hadn’t I read somewhere that abused kids get off on it eventually, no matter how disgusted they are, how defiled, because it is their first sexual experience, it becomes their norm. But perhaps if Gus hadn’t raped me I wouldn’t have had homosexual tendancies in adult life, who knew? But it was him that was guilty, not me.

The tv started up and I knew now that this would be James checking up on me. My Guardian Angel monitoring my progress.

“How do you feel, Frazer?” he asked

“Slightly …………. sorted.” I replied truthfully.

“Good, because there will be repercussions, you understand that. You have learned something but you can’t just go around decking out your superior officer. That punishment itself might well lead to more understanding – keep your wits about you.”

“Thanks, James.” I was becoming used to talking to a non-existant idealised guy on a TV screen while sorting out my past for myself. I was starting to feel … better.


End file.
